Friday, April 06, 2007

And What Do You Say?

I’m gonna live forever
I’m gonna learn how to fly
lyrics from Fame

I see her trimming around her flowers. It is my first chance to say anything, and I am challenged. “How are you?” I ask, and “I’m so sorry.” There, I suppose that is okay. Not profound but once I get over the awkwardness, I feel at ease again.

“I have four more treatments,” she says, “and then we’ll see. Some days I think about it a lot and some not at all. I try to keep busy. The hardest is in the morning,” she says as I listen and wonder how one gathers the resolve to face what she is facing. One day at a time seems trite but appropriate. We talk and laugh. I feel her safeness with me. She can let her fear and sadness show with me.

As my son calls out, “Mom, we’re ready to go,” I’m tempted to say, ‘Not now, son.’


Naomi said...

I know just what you mean Sheila. Finding the right words to say in these types of situations is always difficult. I always think of an expression my grandmother used to use, "these things are sent to test us". Sometimes you just have to take life one day at a time, however difficult it is.

Sheila said...

Naomi, I think your grandmother might have been right. I hate when I disappoint myself, but that always motivates me to do better next time.

Jackie said...

I am not very good in these situations probably because I remember my Mum's eight year fight against breast and lunch cancer and her passing away and I never got over it nor did my Dad who followed her soon after as he couldn't bare to be without her.

Sheila said...

That's sad, Jackie. I don't think anyone escapes for long without knowing someone facing this disease. I guess we just wing it and hope
they'll understand the awkward struggle for the right words. The main thing is not to avoid people.

Marion said...

I'm glad she felt safe with you, Sheila, and I can see project strength to others. And you are not afraid to let her show her fear and sadness to you.

You met your challenge when you let her talk about it.

Sheila said...

Marion, I hope she did. I feel I need to listen because I remember the kindnesses that have been shown to me.