Friday, September 28, 2007

I’m OK. You’re OK.


“Are you OK? You haven’t posted a blog for nearly a week,” kind and dear gentle reader quizzed.

I wrote back, “One word. Doldrums.”

I guess that’s the quickest way to describe my mood of late. No, not depressed. That’s reserved for more serious states, which I’m not going to trivialize by being overly dramatic.

Like a sailing ship calmed by the lack of winds, I seem to be adrift. The dictionary defines doldrums as a sluggish state in which something fails to develop. And yet, there’s tension here like a hot and angry (why, the anger?) boil ready to burst. There I go. That sounded dramatic didn’t it? Change is coming. Change is inevitable. If I rail against this wind of change and her fickleness, what good will that do? Change must be embraced as an old and familiar friend, one who was so charming when I was young and who has grown wise with time and now returns to visit when I need her and sometimes when I don't.

In reality, I’m engaging in a period of readjustment. Four months is too soon for Springfield to feel like home. Six weeks is too soon not to miss college boy although he calls often enough for any helicopter parent. With fall and winter fast approaching, gardening no longer holds my interest. Instead of possibilities right now I see roadblocks. Excuses. And writing? To my ear, the words ring hollow and insincere as if I was trying to fill up a washtub with wisdom for myself one drop at a time.

I’m a nurturer and right now I’m searching. When I find it--whatever it happens to be, I’m sure the mood will change, and the wind will find her way again to my sails.

12 comments:

Jay Croft said...

Fear not. This, too, shall pass.

I felt the same way when I moved from Maryland to Alabama. Then to a lesser extent, from Birmingham to Montgomery.

Yes, there's a definite period of adjustment.

Lorelei said...

Hubby and I have only been married 17 yrs but we've had about 13 moves. Personally, I love moving. Fresh starts, new adventures, new places to see and people to meet... But it does take time to adjust. Don't try to force yourself out of the doldrums. It will happen when it's good and ready -- and not a minute before. :)

Marion said...

Maybe it's time to nurture yourself, Sheila.

I find this to be a very difficult thing for myself to do...I get angry when I'm finally forced into it. I'm angry when I do all the things required to nurture myself and my body.

Why?...I ask myself...why do I have to look out for ME, as well? What a bother.

The Winds of Change may not be filling your sails at this moment, but you're right...they're percolating!

Great post, Sheila, hang in!

Jay Croft said...

Sheila, fall in the Ozarks is going to be great. Alabama has nothing like it. The only place with better fall foliage displays is New England.

Marsha said...

Sending good thoughts.

Dirty Butter said...

You're wanting a puppy, aren't you, after being around that precious Monte? {{{HUGS}}}

Palm Springs Savant said...

That's OK. It will be fine...just the inevitable I guess. I agree with "butter" on getting a pet. It's a great way to fill the void~

Sheila said...

Thanks everyone. We all go through these transitions.

Jay,
I imagine coming from Maryland to Alabama was quite a transition. Even after having grown up in Alabama, it was a big change to move back there after being away for so long. Birmingham to Montgomery was probably a matter of scale instead of world-view.

lorelei,
Wow, that's a lot of moving. But you have the right attitude and it can positive. You don't have much chance to get tired of your house and if you don't like one, you know that it isn't forever.

Marion,
I am always glad to read your take. It's usually just what I need to hear. Thanks.

Marsha,
I appreciate your concern.

DB and Palm Springs,
Don't think that idea isn't in my head as well. It may be a while but I think it'll happen.

KJ said...

It came to pass,
It didn't come to stay...

One of my favorite sayings and it actually is 2 sided...

I go through this in my own writing and perspective– especially when I am disappointed by what I see and I don't entirely trust those in charge to facilitate change... This also occurs when I am not seeing the results I want concerning my own goals.

I think that we need wisdom as to when to wait for fresh gales and when to shift our own sails...

Of course, I can see– from your more current posts– that your are riding the winds again...

Hugs, KJ

Sheila said...

KJ, Thanks. Probably not there yet but working on it.

Naomi said...

Hope you're ok Sheila. This is such a period of readjustment for you, with the house move and your son leaving the nest. Maybe you just need some time to nurture yourself now. Getting a puppy might help and/or taking up a new hobby or interest. I'm sure things will settle down again for you soon.

Sheila said...

Naomi,
Thank you. You are right about the time of transition. I still want the puppy but am waiting for the right one.