BY GUEST BLOGGER: My Witty Husband
Photo to the left: Jim Folsom, Jr. is running as a Democrat for Lt. Governor. The NRA rates him A, and I still like him.
It’s election season in Alabama, circa 2006, a little over a week before the Christian conservatives elect their pulpit-praying, “right-wing” candidates.
The ads tell the full story. Lucy Baxley, according to Bob Riley’s ads, is “Too Liberal” for Alabama. It seems that she made the dire mistake of sending money to support the Democratic presidential candidate, John Kerry of Swift boat-ad fame, even though she’s a Democrat. In the ads against Baxley, she’s also tied to the former governor Don Siegelman, a Democrat convicted of corruption.
Luther Strange, the Lieutenant Governor candidate, slings mud as well. He’s running as a Republican candidate for lieutenant governor against Jim Folsom, a former Alabama governor who’s the son of another, now-deceased governor. In Alabama, politics are complicated.
In his TV ads, Strange (and he is strange) charges Jim Folsom with being on the take while he was Alabama governor. The ads also charge Jim Folsom with the deadly sin of running with “too liberal” Democrat Lucy Baxley. The icing on the cake: the ads attempt to tie Folsom to corrupt politician Siegelman.
In his ads, Folsom comes on with a big smile and laughs at the charges.
This is the back-story to a phone call I received surveying my opinions about these candidates.
The caller, sounding like he’s in some conservative hell, his voice echoing into my phone, begins to ask me questions about who I’m for, what I stand for, and why in the sam hill I’m not voting for Luther Strange. But that’s the end of the conversation.
Let’s go to the beginning. First, he asked me if I was going to vote. I told him that even if I was shot in a 7-11 I’d have the ambulance drop me off at the voting booth before I went to the hospital. He then asked me if I knew who the candidates—Bob Riley, Lucy Baxley, Luther Strange, Jim Folsom—were. I thought: “If I’m going to vote, wouldn’t I know who these people are, you numbskull?”
Then he asked me who I’d vote for governor: Riley or Baxley. “Baxley,” I emphasized.
“What’s your opinion of Riley?” he asked. He gave me several vague choices, and I said I had no opinion. In other words, the guy’s bland.
“What’s your opinion of Baxley?”
Again, several vague choices. I think I said: “She would make the best governor for Alabama.”
The guy then moved to Strange vs. Folsom. “What do you know about Strange?” he asked. “I know he’s a liar,” I replied.
He then asked me who I planned to vote for: Strange or Folsom. I said: “Folsom.”
Next question: “Why won’t you vote for Strange?”
“Because he’s a lying bastard,” I said. “His ads are full of lies against Jim Folsom, and I’d rot in hell before I vote for someone like that. His charges against Jim have been proven wrong. If Jim did half the things this bastard said he’d done he’d be in jail.”
Then the dumb-ass asked me if I was a Republican or Democrat? “It’s obvious I’m a Democrat,” I said.
He then asked me if I considered myself liberal, somewhat liberal, conservative, somewhat conservative. If I called myself liberal, I knew he’d list me with the pedophiles so I said: “Somewhat conservative.”
Last question: Do you attend church every week, regularly, rarely, never?
“Regularly,” I said.
It was obvious that this guy was a shill for Strange so I passed myself off as a Christian conservative who happens to be smart and wise enough to vote Democrat for the good of my state and my country.